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Nurse: Doctor, the man you've just treated collapsed on the front step what should I do?
Doctor: Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving!

Did you hear about the Siamese twins?
Everything goes in one ear and out the brother.

Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
He's fully recovered.
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A mother complained to her doctor about her daughters strange eating habits. "All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?
"Eventually" said the Doctor, "she will rise and shine!"

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There's a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. They are all dead and want to go to heaven but there are 99 steps to heaven. On each step they are told a joke and if they don't laugh they can go up to the next step. The redhead made it to the 20th step and the brunette made it to the 50th step. The blonde was on the 99th step about to be told the last joke and she burst out laughing. The joke teller says "Why did you laugh your on the last step?!" The blonde replied "I just got the first joke."
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There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red-head looking at the new purple 5 dollar bill. The brunette said "That's so cool! they should make blue money!" The red-head said "That's so cool! they should make red money!" The blonde said "That's so cool! they should make green money!"
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[salenfl01]

How do you recognize a Paki flag in a war?
It's white!

How do you stop a Pakistani tank ?
Shoot the men who are pushing it.

How do you disable a Pakistani tank ?
Hide the wind-up key.

How do you disable Pakistani missiles ?
Cut the rubber band

Why did the new Pakistani navy refit their boats with glass bottoms after the war?
So they can see the old Pakistani navy.
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Pakistan just got their new Chineses fighter planes and sent a squadron of pilots there for training.
"Ok, this one is easy to fly", said the Chinese trainer, "Even you fools should be able to operate it! You press this button

to go up, this one to go left and this one for turning right!"
"But how do we come down?" asked Capt. Arfath Pasha.
"Oh," said the Chinese "leave that to the Indian Air Force!"

[salenfl01]

One day this girl, who is wearing a skirt, goes out to play with her friends.

She goes to the park and meets a boy. They talk about climbing trees.

The boy says to the girl: "Go on climb that tree."
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The girls climbs up and the boy just stands there and looks up to the girls pants.

After a while the girl goes home and tells her mum about what happened.

Her mum says: "oh my stupid girl he just stood there and watched your pants."

The next day she went out again with her skirt on and met THAT boy again.

He told her to climb again and she did.

when she got home she tells her mum what happened again and her mum says: "My stupid girl he just stood there and watched your pants."

The girl replied and said: "No actually I tricked him, this time i did not wear any pants!"

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"Users?" cried the Consultant in disbelief. "Users?! You mean secretaries, accountants, architects. Manual laborers!"


"Well," responded the Sun Bear,Cheap Ed Hardy Shoes
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"we've got to do something to make them want to switch to UNIX."


"Do you think," said a Woodpecker who had been busy making a hole in the table, "that there might be a problem with the name `UNIX?' I mean, it does sort of suggest being less than a man."


"Maybe we should try another name, " suggested the Job Sparrow, "like Brut, or Rambo."

[salenfl01]

Because I'm a Blonde
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A blonde comes home and says to her mom, mommy I can count up to ten and my classmates can only count up to 4. Is that because I'm a blonde? Mom: Yes that's right dear. The next day the blonde comes home from school and says mommy I can say the alphabet to G and my other classmates can only say up to D! Is that because I'm a blonde? Yes said the mom! The next day the blonde comes home from school and says mommy I have bigger breasts than my classmates is that because I'm a blonde? No said the mom that's because your 24!

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